OINK, OINK OINK OINK CLUCK. BAH, MOO.

OINK,

OINK OINK

OINK CLUCK.

BAH, MOO.

Oink

(A Short Fiction)

Grunt

(by)

Oink Oink Grunt. Oink Oink

(David A. Archer)

02-15-1968

Oink.

Hello to you too, Daisy. How is your mornin'?

Oink oink oink oink, oink. Grunt oink oink. Oinkie oink oink grunt?

That is nice to hear.... and I sure do! I got some tasty vittles right here in this sloppin' bucket...just fer you and t' other folks in yer pin.

Oink oink.

I will in just a minute now, Daisy... don't you go gettin' too all fired in a hurry.

Moo moo ...bah ,cluck cluck cluck!

Well sure I do! I have some cracked corn here in my apron and some oats and hay just waitin' fer you all to wake up an' stat yer day!

Squeal oink oink oink! Bah, moo moo, baaaah...cluck cluck cluck!

But there is one little stipulation this particular mornin'!

Oink?

Yeah, you heard me... see I was a readin' a fancy city picture book magazine last evenin' and I had me an idea.

See, them city folk just love t' hear 'bout someone else's story and the like... and, from what I can tell, they really like to hear somebody tell someone else's story like it was there own. so I got t' thinkin'....an' that's where you all come in.

See. I figure I can do just as good as most all them fancy picture book types... an' even better, if it is that I can mange to get a story 'er two out a' you all. See, they might got all kind a fancy this and that in them big ol' cities...but they ain't never seen the likes a none a you...not to mention yer ever'day excitin' lives. Oh course, that is...beyond the styrofoam cartons an' some other stuff none a' ya' like to talk 'bout much.

I figure a good ol' yarn 'bout yer mud hole over there might just bring the barn down, like we used t' say.

So, how's 'bout it? Think you all could see fit to spill the beans just a little on yer in's an' out's so t' speak? 'Course, we have t' pertend like we went an' made it up just special fer the picture book folks... unless they go gettin the notion that we live as easy as we do and the like. You know, a little spit shine just to keep from movin' in on all the good stuff?

Go ahead and talk 'bout it mungst yerselves fer a bit.... I'll be standin' right here with yer mornin' slop, oats and feed...just waitin' all patient like to hear what ya' go an' decide.

Oink oink oink oink, cluck oink grunt cluck oink moo bah. Grunt oink oink oink cluck moo. Cluck cluck grunt, oinkie oinkie grunt cluck oink oink grunt bah cluck. Oink oink oink oink, cluck cluck oink. Grunt oink oink, moo. Oink oink oink! Cluck? Moo? Cluck cluck, oinkie oink oink cluck grunt bah cluck moo oink. Oink oink oink oink, cluck cluck oink moo. Grunt oink oink moo. Cluck cluck, oinkie oink oink grunt bah cluck. Oink oink oink oink, cluck cluck oink moo. Grunt oink oink moo. Cluck cluck, oinkie oink oink grunt bah cluck.

Cluck cluck oink. Oinkie cluck grunt oink oink….. moo moo. Bah cluck oink oink cluck oink oink oink oink oink…squeal, grunt cluck.

OINK!

MOO!

Oinkie oink?

Cluck cluck cluck!

Baaaah.

OINK OINK OINK!

Well alright then. I guess that just goes an' settles that doesn't it?

Now Mable, don't go gettin flustered...but you know I can't milk ya' if ya' go holdin' out on the story tellin'.... first things first, don't cha' know.

Mooooo.

Now you all go on and make up a real good story fer them folks to all inspired an' in awe with.

Cluck cluck..... cluck, bah moo.

That is correct. If ya' go doin' a real good story tellin'... it just means that ya' all get better sloppin' an' grazin'..... don't that sound like a fair deal?

Now one a' ya' go on ahead an' start off a good ol' yarn 'bout somethin' real interestin' and the like.

Daisy.... you always have somethin' nifty t' go on 'bout...why don't you get t'others started?

Squeeeeal!

Tell the story first, Daisy.... then I'll put down yer mornin' slop.

Oink.

It is too, fair! I listent to ya' go on ever'day 'bout this and the other thang. Well, here is yer big chance! I promise I'll send it in t' the big ol' city folks picture book company...and I'll be sure an' tell 'em that you had the best parts of it!

How's that? sound fair?

Grunt oink oink, oink.

Alright then.... get on with it will ya'?

Oink oink grunt grunt oink oink. Moo Moo, cluck cluck cluck cluck, oink.

Moo oink oink oink oink, cluck oink grunt cluck oink moo cluck bah grunt squeel. Oint grunt oink oink oink cluck moo moo moo. Cluck cluck oink grunt, oinkie oinkie oinkie oink oink grunt cluck oink oink grunt bah cluck cluck cluck cluck. Oink oink oink oink oink moo, cluck cluck oink. Grunt oink oink moo. Cluck cluck, oinkie oink oink cluckie cluck grunt bah bah cluck moo oink. Oink oink oink oink, cluck cluck oink oink bah. Grunt oink oink moo. Grunt oink oink bah cluck. Cluck cluck, oinkie oink oink grunt bah cluck. Oink oink oink oink, cluck cluck oink moo. Grunt oink oink moo. Cluck cluck, oinkie oink oink grunt bah cluck.

Oink oink oink oink, cluck oink grunt cluck oink moo bah. Grunt oink oink oink cluck moo. Cluck cluck grunt, oinkie oinkie grunt cluck oink oink grunt bah cluck. Oink oink oink oink, cluck cluck oink. Grunt oink oink moo. Cluck cluck, oinkie oink oink cluck grunt bah cluck moo oink. Oink oink oink oink, cluck cluck oink moo. Grunt oink oink moo. Cluck cluck, oinkie oink oink grunt bah cluck. Oink oink oink oink, cluck cluck oink moo. Grunt oink oink moo. Cluck cluck, oinkie oink oink grunt bah cluck.

Cluck moo cluck oink. Oinkie cluck grunt oink oink….. moo moo. Bah cluck oink oink cluck oink oink oink oink oink…squeal, grunt cluck.

You don't say! Well, I declair! That is sure fire press worthy story tellin' so far. Don't let me break yer pace.

Bah oink oink moo oink oink, cluck oink grunt cluck oink moo cluck bah grunt squeel. Oint grunt oink oink oink cluck moo moo moo. Cluck cluck oink grunt, oinkie oinkie oinkie oink oink grunt cluck oink oink grunt bah cluck cluck cluck cluck. Oink oink oink oink oink moo, cluck cluck oink. Grunt oink oink moo. Cluck cluck, oinkie oink oink cluckie cluck grunt bah bah cluck moo oink. Oink oink oink oink, cluck cluck oink oink bah. Grunt oink oink moo. Grunt oink oink bah cluck. Cluck cluck, oinkie oink oink grunt bah cluck. Oink oink oink oink, cluck cluck moo oink moo. Grunt oink oink moo. Cluck cluck, oinkie oink oink grunt bah cluck.

Oink moo bah cluck oink oink oink, cluck oink grunt cluck oink moo bah. Grunt oink oink oink cluck moo. Cluck cluck grunt, oinkie oinkie grunt cluck oink oink grunt bah cluck. Oink oink oink oink, cluck cluck oink. Grunt oink oink moo. Cluck cluck, oinkie oink oink cluck grunt bah cluck moo oink. Oink oink oink oink, cluck cluck oink moo. Grunt oink oink moo. Cluck cluck, oinkie oink oink grunt bah cluck. Oink oink oink oink, cluck cluck oink moo. Grunt oink oink moo. Cluck cluck, oinkie oink oink grunt bah cluck.

You sure are good at this! I remember when that happened, too. Man that was some belly laughin' good time! I couldn't get Mayble out a' yer mud hole fer near two days...even with the tracter. Man were you steamed, Daisy. I thought you was goin' to have a kan-iption fit 'er somethin'....an' all she did was wonder inta' yer mud hole. Go on now...tell some more for the recordin' device here;

Cluck cluck cluck cluck oink. Oinkie oink cluck grunt oink oink….. moo moo moo. Bah bah moo cluck oink oink cluck oink oink oink oink oink…squeal grunt, grunt cluck.

Moo moo moo grunt oink oink oink oink, cluck oink grunt cluck oink moo cluck bah grunt squeel. Oint grunt oink oink oink cluck moo moo moo. Cluck cluck oink grunt, oinkie oinkie oinkie oink oink grunt cluck oink oink grunt bah cluck cluck cluck cluck. Oink oink oink oink oink moo, cluck cluck oink. Grunt oink oink moo. Cluck cluck, oinkie oink oink cluckie cluck grunt bah bah cluck moo oink. Oink oink oink oink, cluck cluck oink oink bah. Grunt oink oink moo. Grunt oink oink bah cluck. Cluck cluck, oinkie oink oink grunt bah cluck. Oink oink oink oink, cluck cluck oink moo. Grunt oink oink moo. Cluck cluck, oinkie oink oink grunt bah cluck.

Oink bah bah cluck oink oink oink, cluck oink grunt cluck oink moo bah. Grunt oink oink oink cluck moo. Cluck cluck grunt, oinkie oinkie grunt cluck oink oink grunt bah cluck. Oink oink oink oink, cluck cluck oink. Grunt oink oink moo. Cluck cluck, oinkie oink oink cluck grunt bah cluck moo oink. Oink oink oink oink, cluck cluck oink moo. Grunt oink oink moo. Cluck cluck, oinkie oink oink grunt bah cluck. Oink oink oink oink, cluck cluck oink moo. Grunt oink oink moo. Cluck cluck, oinkie oink oink grunt bah cluck.

Cluck cluck oink oink oink oink cluck oink. Oinkie grunt squeal grunt cluck grunt oink oink….. moo moo. Bah cluck oink oink cluck oink oink oink oink oink…squeal, grunt cluck.

Maybe we should leave that part fer another story? We don't want it t' be too good the first time out, do we? That's some best seller stuff you were just goin' on 'bout. I think we should save it fer a one a' what they call a' folla' up story. That's where ya' go an' do another good story that ain't too much better'n the first one...but ain't too sad neither.

What do ya' think 'bout that?

Oink oink. Mooooooo. Bah cluck cluck.

Bah moo moo oink oink oink oink bah cluck oink oink oink oink, cluck oink grunt cluck oink moo cluck bah grunt squeel. Oint grunt oink oink oink cluck moo moo moo. Cluck cluck oink grunt, oinkie oinkie oinkie oink oink grunt cluck oink oink grunt bah cluck cluck cluck cluck. Oink oink oink oink oink moo, cluck cluck oink. Grunt oink oink moo. Cluck cluck, oinkie oink oink cluckie cluck grunt bah bah cluck moo oink. Oink oink oink oink, cluck cluck oink oink bah. Grunt oink oink moo. Grunt oink oink bah cluck. Cluck cluck, oinkie oink oink grunt bah cluck. Oink oink oink oink, cluck cluck oink moo. Grunt oink oink moo. Cluck cluck, oinkie oink oink grunt bah cluck.

Alright already! I didn't mean t' go startin' no family feud 'er nothin'.... we dang sure don't need t' loose the Hatfields an' McCoys 'er nothin' of the sort. Just get back t' the story an' we'll work it out on down the road some.

Oink oink oink oink oink, cluck moo cluck cluck oink grunt cluck oink moo bah. Grunt oink oink oink cluck moo. Cluck cluck grunt, oinkie oinkie grunt cluck oink oink grunt bah cluck. Oink oink oink oink, cluck cluck oink. Grunt oink oink moo. Cluck cluck, oinkie oink oink cluck grunt bah cluck moo oink. Oink oink oink oink, cluck cluck oink moo. Grunt oink oink moo. Cluck cluck, oinkie oink oink grunt bah cluck. Oink oink oink oink, cluck cluck oink moo. Grunt oink oink moo. Cluck cluck, oinkie oink oink grunt bah cluck.

Cluck cluckity cluck grunt oink. Oinkie cluck grunt oink oink….. moo moo. Bah cluck oink oink cluck oink oink oink oink oink…squeal, grunt cluck.

Moo cluck bah cluck oink oink oink oink, cluck oink grunt cluck oink moo cluck bah grunt squeel. Oint grunt oink oink oink cluck moo moo moo. Cluck cluck oink grunt, oinkie oinkie oinkie oink oink grunt cluck oink oink grunt bah cluck cluck cluck cluck. Oink oink oink oink oink moo, cluck cluck oink. Grunt oink oink moo. Cluck cluck, oinkie oink oink cluckie cluck grunt bah bah cluck moo oink. Oink oink oink oink, cluck cluck oink oink bah. Grunt oink oink moo. Grunt oink oink bah cluck. Cluck cluck, oinkie oink oink grunt bah cluck. Oink oink oink oink, cluck cluck oink moo. Grunt oink oink moo. Cluck cluck, oinkie oink oink grunt bah cluck.

OINK OINK!

that was some endin'! Them folks are gonna be all sorts a taken' with that there fancy talkin' you all just done. I bet we won't even have t' offer 'em none a' what they go callin' auti-graphs t' get that there story in the best pictures books 'round.

Oink, cluckie moo moo?

Yessir I do thank it's just that derned good a' story tellin'...an' I'll be bettin' them fancy picture book publishers are goin' t' say the same derned thang!

You all are 'bout t' be in some plump oats an' tall cotton as a person might say... I can tell just a' lookin' at the rough draft here.

Oink.....

Well, yer welcome Daisy... an' I'm tellin' ya, It looks like it's hog heaven fer sure.

Don't go fergettin' us little folks now, ya hear me a talkin' at ya' Daisy?

I bet they will be sendin' that fancy chaufer just as soon as I go sendin' it off! Then, it's off t' the marketing I suppose. You be sure an' enjoy th' ride.